I'm learning that every once in a while it's good to glance in the rearview mirror of life to be reminded just how far, by God's grace, you have traveled.  This is certainly true about the adoption and foster care journey. 

As the frantic pace of day-to-day life continues it is often easy to forget those early days when the questions, fears and doubts were everyday companions.  As we began to walk the journey step by step in faith, what seemed so complicated and overwhelming eventually became much more clear and understandable - and eventually, God brought the pieces together in a way that we could have never quite imagined.  For something that beautiful and amazing, it is definitely good to take time every once in a while to look back, remember and be thankful.

The same is true for the journey that Tapestry, as a church adoption and foster care ministry, has been traveling over the past several years.  It was less than four years ago that we held our first Tapestry large group event with twenty adults in attendance.  Since then, we have seen the ministry grow to reach nearly 800 adults and hundreds of kids last year alone through our large group events, annual conference and monthly small groups.  Equally amazing is the number of other churches in North Texas and across the country that are involved in similar ministry efforts. 

It is tempting sometimes to get caught up in all that is going on and forget just how much people need to have a place to make connections, find information and experience help and support for the adoption and foster care journey.  But as I glance back I am reminded of all the blessed moments that Tapestry has been able to be a part of - all of the families that have been formed and all the lives transformed by the grace of God.  For that we are eternally grateful.

With all of this in mind we are excited about moving forward, and are more committed than ever to help children and families by providing a safe place for them to connect, become informed and be encouraged. 

We hope you enjoy this issue of the Tapestry Newsletter, full of great articles and resources as well as updates on Tapestry's upcoming events and activities.

To view past Tapestry Newsletters click here.

“I can’t adopt a child, not with my career.” “There is no way I can do this as a single person, and my family lives in another state.” “I travel too much for my job, this will never work.” These are just a few of the many thoughts that swirled in my mind for close to five years. I had long known that God was calling me to adopt. Whether I was married or not, this was something I was sure about. But practically I just didn’t see how it was going to happen.

Eventually I began to take baby steps of faith toward adoption and as I did God specifically laid on my heart to adopt from Guatemala. But just as I came to the point of moving forward Guatemala was in the process of closing. Most agencies were no longer accepting applications for Guatemalan adoptions as the country was closing for adoption because they were not Hague compliant.

At this same time I heard about Tapestry from someone at my church and soon after I met with Amy Monroe. She took the time to share with me about their adoption experiences and talked with me about many of the questions and concerns running through my mind. As we talked I learned that she had adopted from Guatemala!  A small “coincidence” for most people, but this was the first time I really felt like “OK God, I am no longer putting this off . . . I am moving forward by faith knowing that You will supply my needs and calm my fears.”

Soon after I started to make connections through Tapestry and learned much about the adoption process, experiences and expectations. Thinking my chance to adopt from Guatemala had passed, I looked into adopting from other countries. I participated in webinars, took classes and even met with a lady from an agency about adopting from another country.  Still something wasn’t right. I went to that meeting with a completed application in my purse, ready to hand it in. I left that same meeting with the application still in my purse. I could not escape the fact that God had placed my heart in Guatemala. But why?

Two days later I got an email from my sister. She had heard of an agency still accepting applications for Guatemala. I immediately followed up and the agency indicated we still had a couple of months for me to “try” to get in before Guatemala closed to new adoptions.

The couple months I had to complete my paperwork in order to receive my referral quickly turned into a matter of only weeks. As a result I was told I needed to travel to Guatemala immediately, and once again all of my questions and fears – all the thoughts of “I can’t and it won’t work” – came rushing back. But I now understood better than ever before that this was to be a journey of faith. So even in the midst of this incredibly stressful and uncertain situation, I had a calming peace and knew that God was simply saying “Go, and I will be with you.” With that I went. Hours later I was in my hotel room in Guatemala experiencing the best moment of my life . . . holding my four month old baby girl, who I named Melia.

Since that day in December 2007 I have traveled several times to Guatemala to see Melia, now 21 months old. The process and the wait have been difficult, as I knew they would likely be. I hope to bring Melia home soon. Of course, I still have lots of questions. But what I have now that I didn’t have before is a lot more knowledge, support and a place to find answers to many of my questions. Being connected to Tapestry and to others who understand what I am going through has provided me with all of that. I have learned so much from attending Tapestry’s educational events and from the stories of others that have gone through what I am going through and can help me better prepare for what is still to come.

Tapestry’s waiting families group has been particularly encouraging for me.  There I not only find support for my adoption but I am also able to hear about others’ adoption and foster care journeys. As a result of these connections I have been blessed with new found friendships. Recently, Barbie, another waiting mom-to-be, rode with me to Austin where I needed to update some adoption papers. Barbie’s adoption process is quite different than mine – she is adopting from foster care. But we share a common bond and during our drive we had the opportunity to share ideas, thoughts and prayer requests.

I have always loved God and been amazed at how He works, but as I travel this journey I have come to understand His love for me and for Melia in a whole new way. Even as I continue to wait I know that God is at work – a blessing I hope I never take for granted.

Jill's other "baby" is a three-legged Maltese, Murphy.  Murphy is known for his handstands and you might just catch a glimpse of one if you see he and Jill walking in Valley Ranch.

Guys often have their own unique set of questions, fears and concerns they encounter along the adoption and foster care journey.  AdoptiveDads.org is a unique online resource where dads and dads-to-be can find stories, articles and resources that look at the adoption and foster care journey from their perspective. 

The dads that contribute to AdoptiveDads.org each share their own unique take on the ups and downs of foster care, adoption and fatherhood.  The stories and articles are real and honest, yet hopeful - and they point to the grace and blessings that mark each journey.

AdoptiveDads.org is currently finishing up a series entitled The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths.  They will have new posts and future series over the summer, covering a wide variety of topics and issues of interest to adoptive and foster dads.  Be sure to stop by AdoptiveDads.org to listen in on what these dads are saying.

During foster care training, an instructor told Laurie and me, “Remember when The Beatles sang All You Need is Love? In foster care, forget about it. It takes a lot more than love. The children coming into your home are there as a result of some form of trauma and you’re going to need a lot more than love. You’re going to need patience, discretion, communication between spouses… I could go on and on.”

I thought about this a few months later when our foster care agency placement office called about placing a sixteen-month-old boy. They told us he had developmental delays, that he’d require Early Childhood Intervention, and that he had been diagnosed with Failure to Thrive – where an infant who fails to gain weight or grow properly for an extended period of time. Although we were nervous about what that meant, we believed God led this child to our home and accepted the placement.

Once the CPS worker dropped him off, we learned within just an hour what they meant by delays. He was very small, still in nine-month clothes, and only weighing 18 pounds. While his body was bone thin, his belly protruded from malnourishment. He was unable to walk and even his crawl was stiff and awkward – one hand made a fist and the other flat. His cry was soft, almost silent, even though tears streamed down his face, as if he’d already decided nobody was listening and gave up trying to be heard.

I remember my wife rocking him in her lap and crying. “Are you worried that he has too many problems?” I asked.

“No, this is the son God has given us.” Her bottom lip quivered. “My heart is just so broken for this little one. How could someone do this to something so precious?”

We spent the next few days reading books on where a sixteen-month-old boy should be developmentally. It took several days before he’d let me pick him up, so he spent practically every waking moment with his new mom as she worked with him on speech and walking and, within a few days, he took his first steps. A few days later, he gave us his first smile, a chipmunk smile with two big teeth on the top and two on the bottom with round cheeks. He even learned the baby sign language for “please” and “more.”

Laurie also paid special attention to nutrition and researched what foods would be better to help him gain weight while still nourishing him. Every hour, we fed him a combination of nutritionally dense foods and a liquid diet of Pediasure. To her delight, getting him to eat was no problem. He ate like a garbage disposal – beets, brussel sprouts, etc. After a few weeks on his mom’s diet, he put on weight and soon grew into the proper clothing size for his age.

I thought it would bother me that he attached to Laurie so quickly but not me. But in recalling some of the horror stories of attachment from our training, I was just glad he was attaching to Laurie. I figured with enough patience and compassion, sooner or later he’d attach to me. Once he did, he clung to me like any son would cling to his daddy.

We gave him his new name, Isaac. He continued to progress far beyond what CPS, our agency, and even his mother and I thought possible. In fact, he’d progressed so quickly that Laurie asked the ECI specialist to reevaluate him. They determined that he no longer needed any help and that, in a shockingly short amount of time, he had caught up to target for his age in every area. Even his asthma symptoms went away over time.

Ten months after coming home, we went to court and finalized Isaac’s adoption. Even now, he continues to have some behavioral issues. The trick for his mother and me is deciphering which issues result from past trauma, which are typical boy behavior, and which are bad habits he’s picked up from us. At first, we feared the unknown. I think we both wondered how we’d be able to care for a high needs child. But we figured it out – with a lot of love, patience, compassion, etc – and we can look into the future knowing that whatever may come up, we can figure that out too.

Billy Cuchens is married to Laurie.  They have two children, Isaac and Vivi.